Monday, October 03, 2005

Reverse the Curse

I’m a fairly logical guy and I pretty much don’t have any superstitions but I do believe that there are lots of things that I don’t understand about the universe and how it works and with that said I have to say that I firmly believe that events can happen that most people would say were completely coincidental but actually had some sort of metaphysical connection. And I’m about to tell you the story of one of them.

I’ve been an Eagles fan since I first figured out football was cool and that was the year Randall Cunningham was a 3rd down quarterback for Ron Jawarski. I’ve seen the team play well and I’ve seen them play like crap. I’ve heard all the curses and all the reasons why we couldn’t win the super bowl. I’ve seen people do all kinds of crazy stuff so their team could win. I was one on the ones who threw snowballs at Santa. I’ve seen almost every home game in person. In short, I’ve been through the war and deserve a reward.

I thought last year I’d finally get it. We had made it to the Super Bowl and we were going to win it. I was never so convinced of a sporting certainty like I was about this. The team was just too focused and skilled and calm and cool and ready. If you watch the game now with a non-bandwagon perspective you will see that the game was totally winnable. But we didn’t win. Something went horribly wrong. This post is my way of saying I’m sorry but I’m convinced that I had something to do with it.

See, I believe that I did something that screwed up the destiny of the 2005 Eagles. I’m not sure if I’ve said it here before but I do believe that any person can change history by just believing in something. That a single person can move a mountain if they really wanted to. That, in short, we are all all-powerful gods changing reality at every single moment without even knowing it. As sports fans I think that we collectively compete with the opposing fans in a sub-conscious way.

So, you are going to argue that if that were the case, the Eagles will surely have won since Boston fans could care less about their team while Philly fans are insanely devoted space monkey lemming drones in our dedication to our team. This would be true, but Philly fans also are competing with their belief that we are cursed and will never win the big one. There are obviously other factors involved, but I’m getting away from the point.

I think that we had it all won until I bought my Jevon Kerse Jersey. See, I’m not a jersey person but I was actually going to the super bowl I needed to show my colors didn’t I? Add that to the fact that my girlfriend and her friends had a tradition where they wore their jerseys for every game. Like crazy people. They had a whole ceremony and timing to the ritual. My girlfriend essentially demanded I follow suit for the SB.

The main problem was that I didn’t want a Kerse Jersey and even though I was forced to buy it, I didn’t even want this particular one, it was XXL and I was swimming in it. See, I needed a jersey. I knew that I wanted a defensive one. I wanted a Trotter jersey or a Dawkins or even Dahani Jones. It’s just that near the SB, the only 3 jerseys I could get were #81 and #5 since they had overstocked them and Kerse #93 since nobody really wanted it. I settled for the Kerse jersey.

Now, I like Jevon Kerse. I think he is a good addition to our team. Not a great one, but certainly good enough. It’s just that the guy confused me a bit. There was some odd energy associated with him. Mostly I think I was feeling odd when all I heard about him in the days leading up to the game was “Reverse the Kerse”. Now, that sounds catchy enough but if you think about it, it makes no sense at all. Why would someone have this as their slogan? Like, is he cursed? Were the Eagles cursed and he was the cure? Just strange.

Whatever, I needed a jersey and I wasn’t superstitious so I bought it and took it along with me to the game. Here is where things get odd. As I got off the plane (about 24 hours after I bought the jersey) I started to have doubts that the Eagles were going to win. This was odd since previously I was thouuroughly convinced we were going to win, like to my core.. Now I was having doubts.. I put them out of my mind.. surely I was just being paranoid as we got closer to the game.

Well, game came and I wore the jersey and we lost. The jersey went into the closet. Flash to this season. Game one, we were so pumped up. Of course we wore our jerseys as we sat in front of the tv. She with her trusty Owens jersey and me with my Kerse crap. We lost. Game two and we were on a trip so we watched the game on a tiny portable tv in the car. We won. Game three was last week when I was in Austin. Here is what happened.

I was in Austin at a sports bar watching the game get ready to start and my gf calls me. She can’t find her TO jersey. She asks if she can wear mine. She needs to have a jersey on to watch. Sure I say, enjoy it. We loose our kicker on the kickoff, we play like shit and are basically going to loose the damn game by halftime. It is at this point that I see the connection between the wins and losses and the jersey. I discuss it with people at the sports bar and they basically beg me to call her and tell her to remove it. Of course I do. As you may or may not know, we win the game. I promise myself that when I get home the jersey will be burned and immedialtely feel at ease. Mind you, Kerse at this point has not had a sack nor been a contribution to any game (including the Super Bowl).

I actually began to think about buring the jersey and I begin to believe that when I do, JK will get a sack and I will in fact be the one that will “reverse the curse” for the teams horrible start. I get home and of course I forget to actually burn the jersey. It sits on my desk.

Which takes us to yesterdays game. The first quarter is basically the worst I’ve ever seen a football team play. Most of the second is just as bad. It is in desperation that I remember the jersey on my desk. As soon as I do a thought pops into my head “Burn it and he will get a sack and things will be better”. I blow it off and sit back and watch the game some more. The same thought pops in my mind again like a voice “burn the talisman and he will get a sack”. I have no idea what a talisman is but I’m suddenly convinced that the jersey is some cosmic bad kharma item that must be destroyed immediately. As if I’m being teased by the universe, as I sit back and contemplate this thought, we recover a fumble and score a touchdown.

It’s decided, the jersey will now die. Halftime comes and I run upstairs and get the evil thing. I cut it into pieces and test burn some in the fireplace. It won’t burn.. it just sits there and resists. Finally a piece catches and the nylon finally begins to melt. It’s an ugly scene as I put more pieces into the fireplace. It smells terrible, it fills the house with smoke (even with the flume open) and crackles and drips green and black goo onto the bricks below. I get a piece on my fingertip and it refuses to go out or stop burning my skin. (I now have a big white callus blister type deal on my finger).

Anyway, after about 20 minutes the jersey is a pile of plasic goo. It has ruined the fireplace and my finger is horribly burned and I’m sitting there with a huge grin on my face. All will be well, its like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. My girlfriend thinks I’m insane.

The game begins again and sure enough who gets a sack? Yup. I look over at my girlfriend and tell her “Guess what. I just saved the Eagles season”. And I totally believe what I’m saying. I know that I’ve made a difference. Oh yea, we score 38 unanswered points and win the game. Yea.. Feel free to thank me now..


Ryan said...

You ARE insane. (smile)

Anonymous said...

"My girlfriend essentially demanded"? I don't recall being quite that insistent. And yes, you are insane, however I reluctantly agree that your tactic may in fact have worked....
PS: You should replace the JK jersey with DJ (of course I'll beg you to let me wear it!).

Anonymous said...

No wonder that jersey was "had" to buy it. Why didn't she buy it for you if it was part of her sporty tradition in the first place? bad sign